I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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