You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
