Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
