Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
