sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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