I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
