Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
