soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
