i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We are all done wearing pants today
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