I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
