your thong is hanging out like whoa
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize