...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
