Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of course I have a pirate flag
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
