I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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