I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
