Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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