I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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