I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
