Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
