1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
