We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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