Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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