At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
