So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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