Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
