Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
