Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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