I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
