I faked an abortion last night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
