I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize