yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
