You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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