found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This baby is an asshole
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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