theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
