He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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