3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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