if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
