I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
