he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
