college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
