It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
