found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
