...so i touched it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
