I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
