so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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