I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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