Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize