he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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