I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
