direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
