Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
