also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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