Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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