one two three fourrrrnication!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize