I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
