I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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