I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
