apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
