cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
