God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
