please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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