I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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