Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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