is your mom at the bar?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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