New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
