Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize