it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
