I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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