I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
